She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
