Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
