So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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