So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
