Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
