Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
