and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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