just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has the fingertips of a God
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
