You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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