i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
