sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
