If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
