can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
