I cockslap morals
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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