u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
