just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
