6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
