he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
