Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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