Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
