we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
