Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
