we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
