Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
