And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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