you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
