I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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