I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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