new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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