i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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