That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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