Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
