I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
