My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
