imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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