I accidentally had phone sex last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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