There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
