so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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