At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
