david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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