you traded sex for a burrito?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Text me some of your sweat
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