she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
