It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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