So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
