no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need moral support for this bender
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
