Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
