I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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