i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
