would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
