Your mouth is God's brothel.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
