I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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