Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
