I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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