I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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