Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
