That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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