White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
