i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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