i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
