the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
