I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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