i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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