I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
