That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
